


The love that fills my chest

by MaryWhite



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, Wingwoman Sayo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:42:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26952334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryWhite/pseuds/MaryWhite
Summary: The first petal fell during a rehearsal.A small petal light pink in her hand.Yukina is not an idiot, she knew about hanahaki, although rare, it was not an unknown disease.For Yukina, her music has always been the priority, personal feelings have never been her focus,she preferred to bury them deep in her mind and continue in ignorance until that passion was gone.This clearly didn't work.
Relationships: (Background) Hazawa Tsugumi/Hikawa Sayo, Hikawa Sayo & Minato Yukina, Imai Lisa/Minato Yukina
Comments: 12
Kudos: 68





	The love that fills my chest

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, I'm sorry if something is wrong. Please, point out if you find any mistakes, just so I can improve!
> 
> Constructive criticisms are accepted, give me your opinion. Enjoy reading!

The first petal fell during a rehearsal.

Yukina woke up that morning with a sore throat, but her diligence prevented her from canceling her rehearsal. Usually Roselia members rehearsed all together, but the great performance of the show the night before gave them a rare day off, at least for most of them - Yukina suspected that, like her, Sayo would also practice at home.

She also attributed her discomfort to being tired due to the show - it wouldn't be surprising after using her voice so much - they always give their all in their performances, never accepting anything less than excellence, but the night before was a great result of their addition of weekly rehearsal.

Most of her rehearsal went on without a problem, she continued with her throat irritation, but when she reached the middle of  _ Yakusoku  _ her discomfort suddenly increased considerably and she couldn't stop a coughing fit, her throat starts to burn, her eyes get a little watery and when finally it ends, she looks at her hand and widens her eyes at what she sees. 

A small petal light pink in her hand.

Yukina is not an idiot, she knew about hanahaki, although rare, it was not an unknown disease. There were clinics specializing in surgery to remove the disease. The flowers that grew in a person's lungs until they confessed their love and was reciprocated or had the surgery and removed the intruder flowers, taking together all the feelings, even those of happiness or friendship, in relation to the target of their affections.A person may choose neither of these alternatives and, well, literally die suffocated by their love.

She also knew who the person who caused her illness was, it was impossible not to know, just the presence of her childhood friend was the reason for the peace and warmth that she so cherished. On the stage when she touched her back with the bassist purely for the visual effect and reaction of the audience, she still felt a wave of confidence running through her body, as if she could do anything as long as Lisa was at her side.

Knowing who she was in love with doesn't change her reaction of surprise. For Yukina, her music has always been the priority, personal feelings have never been her focus, she herself has never been good at dealing with them - or just  _ talking  _ about them - even though she is Roselia's lyricist. She didn't even want to recognize her feelings as passion, the complications that revealing them could bring to her, Lisa and Roselia were her excuse, she preferred to bury them deep in her mind and continue in ignorance until that passion was gone.

This clearly didn't work.

Yukina looks at her hand again, recognizes the petal as a cherry blossom, she decides to search for its meaning just to check.

_ "Its western meaning is feminine beauty, happiness and renewal, and in Japan the meaning is ephemeral,amiability and ..." _

"Kindness." she ends in a whisper. After all, what is more appropriate to define Imai Lisa than the personification of kindness?

She really didn't know what to do, she didn't want to have the surgery because she still had the risk of causing damage to her lungs or respiratory system, which if not kill her, could ruin her career as a singer. When she researched more about the disease, she found that although she is cured if she confesses and is returned, if she is rejected, surgery will be her only option. The most practical option was still to confess though.

But there is no way for Lisa to return her affections, she is sure of that. Yukina already believes that she is a lucky person just because Lisa is still present even after everything she has done and failed to do. How she treated her coldly and didn't care for her friendship or for Lisa herself for so long, and yet the girl stayed by her side without giving up on her, even when she herself had already given up on herself.

Roselia helped her improve as a person - learn the value of bonds - now she has enough empathy to know all the damage she has done over all these years, she now realizes how Lisa stepped on eggs when talking to her, how sad her friend was when she rejected her invitations to go out together, but always hid behind a smile. Each of those moments that she remembers squeezes her heart with guilt.

Yukina did not want to continue with either option for a cure, she would try to end it herself, if she stops loving Lisa, the disease should go away, right?

Lisa deserves the best, someone who hasn't been the cause of her suffering so many times.

She made her decision.

* * *

"Yukina ~"

She is tense with the call of her name, her friend's sweet and sung voice reaches her ears and she can already feel the itch in her throat getting worse, she stops at the entrance and waits for Lisa to reach her.

"I already thought you would go to school without me ~"

Yukina swallows and turns to greet her friend.

"Good morning, Lisa."

"Why are you wearing a mask?" Lisa's features immediately change to concern.

“Just a mild cold. I can still go to school and practice.”

“Are you sure it's just a cold? What if you go to school and it gets worse?” Lisa rests her hand on Yukina's forehead, moving closer.

Yukina immediately feels a cough coming, she takes Lisa's hand away from her face and turns to the side to cough, she can feel her lungs hurting, worse than they were the day before. It was only the second day, how did it hurt so much?

“Yukina! Stay at home, you will get worse.” Lisa tried to grab the singer's shoulders, but she pulled away and started walking to school.

"It is not necessary, I already said that I am able to go to school." She speaks without looking back, she knows that she was a little harsher than she wished.

Lisa just follows, in silence. She doesn't notice Yukina removing the petals from behind the mask.

* * *

Going to school was more problematic than Yukina thought it would be. Her breathing was starting to get harder, she kept coughing, her chest pain increasing and increasing, trying to cough low only made it worse. She was tired and just wanted to go home and lie down, she hardly paid any attention in class. She forced herself to eat lunch, her throat was extremely sore.

She had to go to the bathroom and dump the petals that filled her mask more and more.

Lisa had been watching Yukina all morning and her concern only got bigger each time she saw her try, with questionable success, to hide a coughing fit. She really didn't want her friend to sing in that state, she tried to convince Yukina to cancel the rehearsal, but the singer vetoed the idea.

When the bell rang signaling the end of classes Yukina sighed with relief, now she just needed to go through the rehearsal and was free to rest.

Arriving at CIRCLE for the rehearsal you can see that Sayo, Ako and Rinko are already there, usually Yukina is the first or second to arrive, but she was unable to do things at the pace she always does.

To say that the rehearsal was average would be a great understatement, all the girls could see that their vocalist was not doing well, they looked at each other and entered into a silent agreement to pay attention to Yukina's condition. If it got worse they would intervene.

For Yukina, insisting on rehearsing proved to be practically self-induced torture. Her throat burned with every high note she gave during rehearsal time, her head ached with the effort she made during the day, and now that she was without a mask, she could not cough under any circumstances.

_ Hidamari Rhodonite  _ was her limit of the day. She couldn't take it anymore, apologized and ran to the bathroom. The quantity was increasing, a flood of petals that would have been so beautiful on another occasion.

Yukina waits for her body to stop shaking before leaving the cabin, she flushes the petals and prepares to return, noticing her pale reflection in the bathroom mirror. She knows there is no way the rehearsal can continue in these conditions, so she puts on the mask and heads to the rehearsal room.

What she receives when she enters is a very familiar pair of arms around her waist and a sweet perfume coming out of the brown hair that tickles where the mask is not covering.

Lisa has no idea how much her condition is getting worse by doing things like this, but Yukina can't be irritated by the gestures, quite the opposite.

“Yukina, please, let's end the rehearsal here. You are not in a position to continue like this. ”

"Imai-san is right." Sayo adds, a look of concern in her eyes. "Your income will not be satisfactory like that, Minato-san."

"... Okay, let's pack up and go home."

"Yukina-san ... you can go ahead with Imai-san ... me and Ako-chan can arrange things around here."

"Right! Rin-rin and I can stay! ”

Yukina can only wave, while Lisa runs to guard the bass.

"I'm going to talk to Tsukishima-san about the rental," Sayo says, already leaving.

"Let's go?" Lisa doesn't wait for an answer, takes Yukina's arm and practically pulls her out of CIRCLE.

When Yukina lies in her bed she almost immediately falls asleep with fatigue, she doesn't know how much more she will have to endure until she overcomes it, her discomfort only increases more and more.

* * *

Yukina spends the following week avoiding Lisa like the plague, which is a little difficult considering that she literally lives next door. She succeeds to some extent, but nothing helps her condition, the flowers continue to grow.

But, it is not just the increase of flowers, the symptoms are appearing, her head looks like it will explode at the end of the day, she is extremely pale and is no longer sleeping well due to coughing attacks.

Despite all this, she keeps going to school and pretending that everything is fine, because she knows that stopping will raise more concern - and attention is everything she doesn't want now.

Yukina was passing the break in the empty courtyard behind the school, that's how Ran Mitake found her.

"Minato-san."

"Mitake-san." Yukina waves in recognition. "What are you doing back here?"

"Looking for you, actually."

Her eyes widen slightly and Ran hurries to explain.

"Ako and the rest of Roselia were worried, Tomoe asked us to keep an eye on you." Ran said without looking in her direction.

"My apologies for causing trouble for you."

Ran doesn't say anything about it, she just sits next to Yukina and waits a few seconds before asking.

“So, why are you avoiding everyone? Moca said that Lisa-san doesn't stop talking about it at work. ”

Hearing Lisa's concern now is enough to feel the petals rising, she can't help it this time.

Ran can only watch with wide eyes while Yukina expels waves and waves of almost whole flowers, her concern clear when she notices blood staining the tips of the petals.

After excruciating minutes the cough finally stops, leaving Yukina struggling for air while holding her chest.

"Minato-san ..."

"Don't ... tell ... anyone." Just talking looks like they're slitting her throat. "Please."

Ran sighs, she waits for Yukina to recover to speak.

"Minato-san, hanahaki is fatal, I hope you know that." One more sigh. "I'm not going to tell anyone if you don't want to, but talk to someone." With that she turns and leaves, leaving Yukina with her thoughts.

She takes out her cell phone and call Sayo.

* * *

They walk in silence towards Café Hazawa, Sayo found the message totally unexpected, she imagined that if Yukina had a problem and needed someone to talk to, she would go to Lisa.

The place was happily empty when they entered, only Tsugumi at the counter, who stopped reading her manga to greet them.

"Yukina-senpai." A pause. "S-Sayo." Her face is now red. "Welcome. What will you want?"

Sayo was too busy turning red to give an answer, so Yukina made the requests.

"Honey tea for me and black coffee for Sayo, please."

"Okay, you can wait at the table, your order will be delivered."

The two nodded and Yukina waited for Tsugumi to walk away to talk to Sayo.

"Were you in that state just because Hazawa-san called you by your first name?"

"... It was unexpected." She whispered, looking away.

"You’re dating."

"That is not the point!" Yukina didn't know that someone could turn so red. "Anyway, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"... About the events that occurred during the week." Her chest starts to tighten.

"I'm glad you decided to talk about it, I would like to get back to rehearsals as soon as possible."

Sayo's practicality is familiar and Yukina finds comfort in it, at least for a moment.

“Although, I wonder why you came to me to talk. Imai-san spent the whole week asking about you and talking about how worried she was. She said she looked for you at school, but she didn't find you and that you started going home alone without her noticing. ”

It happens again.

Yukina gets up to run to the bathroom, but there is no time, her legs give way below her, her chest tightens more and more.

She could practically feel the roots twisting inside her.

"Minato-san!"

Blood and flowers - now whole - leaving without stopping. She tries to ask for help, but she cannot breathe. Her eyes are so watery that all she can see when she looks at the ground is a red spot, her own heartbeat racing like she’s at a marathon is all she can hear along with Sayo and Tsugumi calling her name in the distance.

The metallic taste and the smell of blood makes her sick, she just wants it to stop so she can breathe.

"Yukina!"

It was the first time that Sayo had called her by her first name, or by anyone outside her family and probably Tsugumi. Yukina would have been happy if that had not happened under these circumstances.

It took a little longer this time, but it's finally over.

Her eyes open, she has her head against Sayo's shoulder, with Sayo keeping her seated with one arm resting on her back.

"Sayo ..."

"Tsugumi, the flowers have stopped."

“Ahh thank you, God! I'm going to finish preparing your tea, it can help with the pain. ” Tsugumi runs back to the counter.

"That's why I took a break from rehearsals ... and started avoiding Lisa"

Yukina moves to get up, but can't, she is shaking. Sayo can see that in just one week she lost weight in a way that cannot be healthy.

"Minato-san, have you been eating?"

Yukina sighs and allows herself to close her eyes and rests her head back on Sayo's shoulder. 

"Not much, eating hurts unbearably."

"I came back with the tea." Tsugumi announces her presence.

"Do you need help getting up?"

"I think I can now." Her limbs are still shaking, but she manages to lean on the nearest table.

"Minato-san, these flowers are already whole, you have little time." Sayo speaks as she sits across from her.

"I know." The tea calms her throat. 

"Do you intend to speak to Imai-san?"

"... No"

"Why?" The worried look returns to Sayo's face and Yukina lowers her face.

"I have hurt her so many times, she deserves better than that." Her tone is almost inaudible, but Sayo can hear it. She knows that feeling too, the guilt of hurting someone you love.

“Minato-san, I don't believe that Imai-san holds this against you, quite the contrary, I believe that she doesn't really blame you for the things that happened. Everyone in Roselia knows at least part of your history with music, and Imai-san probably knows everything about it.” Sayo takes a sip of his coffee.

"That said, I firmly believe that she wants to be with you." She tries her best to make Yukina see from her perspective, to lighten the mood she adds with a small knowing smile. "It's actually not at all difficult to see, if how she behaves around you is any indication."

"..."

"You're blushing."

"... I am aware of that."

"Back to the topic, whether or not she deserves to be with you is her decision to make, Minato-san."

"I see. Thank you Sayo ... and you can keep calling me by my first name.” It may just be an impression, but Yukina can almost feel her chest lighter.

Sayo gives a small smile and nods.

"To be honest, I didn't think you wanted to talk to Imai-san because of your longtime friendship."

“Lisa made a promise, she would be by my side when we got to the top. I know it's not a promise she takes lightly and I trust her to keep it.” Suddenly she feels her chest burning, she can feel the flowers and blood rising to her throat in an unnerving mixture.

_ No ... _

_ No no no _

_ I still need to talk to Lisa. _

Remembering her promise was the breaking point. Yukina really thinks she can die now.

Whole flowers coming all at once, along with more and more blood, the feeling is that the roots are crushing her rib cage. She bends over on the floor, in one last attempt to ease the pain.

Tears are streaming down her face, her heart is racing so fast it looks like he's going to jump out of her chest.

The flowers don't stop.

She can hear Sayo in the distance calling her name in panic, soon after yelling for Tsugumi to call an ambulance.

All that comes after is darkness.

* * *

Yukina wakes up hearing a repetitive beep and feeling a mask on her face helping her to breathe and immediately knows that she is in a hospital. She opens her eyes slowly, the brightness of the place makes them hurt a little but she forces them to open again.

She takes a while to reorient herself and can see clearly now, the bed is tilted and

she has an IV drip on her left arm - probably to help her body recover due to the lack of food from the previous days.

The right hand is being held by Lisa, who is sleeping with her head on her leg and has trails of dry tears on her visibly exhausted face.

Her heart swells and her chest tightens at the sight, it is the first time in days that she has seen Lisa without being from afar. She places a brown streak behind her childhood friend's ear and gently rubs the tip of her thumb over her cheek waiting for her to wake up, but gets no results other than Lisa moving her head a little, snuggling up.

Yukina takes off her mask and tries again.

"Lisa." Her voice is a little hoarse and her throat is still burning, but she doesn't care about that now, she wants to talk to Lisa before having another coughing fit.

"Hmm?" Lisa inhales and opens her eyes slowly. It takes one second to reorient, and the next she is jumping and holding her arms behind Yukina in a tight hug, full of relief and concern, along with longing.

The singer missed this heat, how she seems to have been made to fit the curve of Lisa's neck, the familiar smell of the perfume that Lisa knows is Yukina's favorite and even the brown hair tickling her face.

Everything about Lisa just shouts "home".

She puts her arms gently over the bassist's waist and sighs, getting as close as possible. Yukina can feel Lisa crying and one of the hands on the back of her neck goes to the back of her head almost protectively.

“Yukina, are you aware of how much I worried? You cancel rehearsals, then stop talking to me for a week, and out of nowhere Sayo calls me saying you were in the hospital! ” When she squeezes harder and Yukina reciprocates, Lisa cries more.

"Y-You ... almost ... died." Lisa speaks so softly that if Yukina was not in that proximity she doesn't think she would have heard.

"Lisa… do you know why I'm here?" She can hear your heartbeat beep faster.

At no time do they come loose.

The bassist shakes her head.

"Sayo just told me that I needed to come to the hospital urgently and when I arrived I didn't wait for the doctor to explain, I just asked for your room number to come in and be with you." Her voice was still low, but at least she didn't cry anymore.

"Yukina ... why are you here?" your voice gets strained.

The singer closes her eyes tightly and hugs Lisa tighter, preparing to tell.

"I have hanahaki... for you." Yukina can feel her heart pounding in her chest and is sure that Lisa can hear it. She is surprised that no nurse has come to check.

She listens and feels a sharp sigh, followed by a shaky ...

"You ... do you love me?"

"Yes." Yukina can say without a hint of hesitation "A lot, a long time."

Lisa pulls away from the hug and looks her friend in the eye, realizing that Yukina is also crying. She wipes the tears from the singer's face with her thumbs and approaches, watching her blush.

"Yukina." She whispers.

"Hm?"

"Can I kiss you?"

Yukina's eyes widen slightly, but then they soften in a way that Lisa has never seen before.

A look that she now knew would be directed only at her.

"please." Yukina responds almost in a breath.

The kiss that follows is soft and slow, the two girls still experimenting.

Lisa leaves one hand cradling Yukina's face and the other follows back to the back of her neck tracing circles with her thumb, pulling her closer. She feels the singer hugging her waist.

For Yukina, it is as if the kiss returns her life.

She can feel all the flowers, blood, wounds and pain go away when she touches her lips in Lisa's, so soft, lips. She feels she can breathe for the first time in a long time, even before she has the disease.

They part with a sigh and touch their foreheads, just absorbing the feeling of being together.

"Why didn't you tell me you had hanahaki?"

“... I have hurt you so many times, I thought you deserved much better than that, but I spoke with Sayo, she made me realize that this was your decision to make. I still think you deserve better ... "

" I want you, for me this is the best. " Lisa interrupts.

“And that's why I'm going to be the best version of myself that I can, and as long as you want me by your side, I will stay. I want your happiness. I love you, Lisa ”

“ Yukinaaa ”Lisa hugs her again this time with happy tears streaming down her face.

“Lisa? Are we… dating now? ” Yukina feels her face heating up.

Lisa lets out a low chuckle and responds in a soft voice.

"Yes."

Yukina is the one who starts the next kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Bonus: Sayo is out of the room with her hand on her forehead. "They finished? the doctor needs to enter to release Yukina-san." She takes out her cell phone.
> 
> In the chat with Ako and Rinko:
> 
> Sayo: You owe me coffee and equipment at the NFO, Imai-san kissed Yukina-san first.
> 
> Ako: fuck
> 
> Rinko: !!!!


End file.
